Breaking news from our author correspondent Robert J. Wetherall...
Al Qaeda Fatwa Declared on 'In the Hole' Idiots
by Robert J. Wetherall
In a surprise pro-Western goodwill gesture, Al Qaeda and its Taliban subsidiaries have announced plans to forge a Jihad against all those drunken goofballs who yell “In the Hole” every time a golf pro strikes a ball during tournament play.
“These besotted fools have no shame and must be dispatched to the Land of the Virgins by any means,” declared an unnamed Al-Qaeda spokesman. This announcement came after the group learned many Americans believed the “In the Hole” idiots were actually Taliban insurgents employing a new psychological terror tool.
US golf tournaments have been plagued and disrupted by slack-jawed imbeciles who have to scream “In the Hole” after every golfers’ swing. This has disrupted play on many occasions and has understandably led to rampant bloodshed in many instances.
“We will track down these misguided devils without mercy,” declared the Al-Qaeda spokesman.
American tournament officials have thus far withheld comment on the situation, except to announce that, beginning with major PGA tournaments this fall, free parking spaces will be set aside for visiting camels and their riders.
Last Flight Home
The Making of Bernie Trumble
Forever Andrew
...available at Amazon and other online booksellers
I am sure that once again America and the UK will stand firm against this latest Al Qaeda trick.
ReplyDeleteI do not trust Al Qaeda, and throw their 'goodwill' back at them. Sand traps have been set on all golf courses, and the PGA is on notice they are either with us or against us.
I say we call in air strike against any camels found suspiciously loitering in PGA parking spaces, and the PGA be placed on the 'no fly list' if they form any kind of alliance with Al Qaeda. We can hit Augusta first.
Bob, I am shocked that you would even entertain the possibility of such an alliance. It's a slippery slope we are being led down. First the PGA, then the NFL, NBA, MLB, and AARP. We have already lost soccer (good riddance - bunch of sissies anyway).
We need to draw a line in the sand. I am sure Nike and Tiger are with us. Together, we shall prevail in the War on Terrorism.
Sorry Bab, but you are now on the 'no fly' list too. I hope you get probed by TSA.
Walt, Walt, pull back the nukes!!! It's just humor here.
ReplyDelete:-)
I'm sure the PGA's apparent 'alliance' through free camel parking is just a veiled attempt to get rid of disruptive fans on the sidelines who interrupt the all-important play going on at the greens.
The best underhanded counter-terrorism is to use the terrorists as a tool to rid the world of other 'undesirables' like disruptive golf fans.
(wink-wink)
A United Nations resolution on the PGA matter is pending. We shall see.
ReplyDeleteThe French are going to weigh in, too.
We're waiting on pins and needles to see what the French have to say about this...
ReplyDeleteLa France restera neutre. Les chameaux peuvent rester gratuitement.
ReplyDeleteCute. Then will you be there to scoop up all the camel dung if they run free?
ReplyDeleteAll is resolved. A special task force of peacekeepers led my the famous Colonel Czerinski will patrol PGA golf courses. Bob has been taken into custody. Pat too.
ReplyDeleteThe camels will be Bar-B-Qued to feed the homeless. Happy Fourth of July!
I am a free man once more. Eddie Salinski (celebrated writer and welder) bailed me out this pm. Pat apparently is still under heavy guard.
ReplyDeletebob
And rightfully so. I suspect Pat is the ring leader. You can tell by the eyes (and trace amounts of camel hair).
ReplyDeleteThere are many ways to stick it to right-wing trouble-makers. Remember, the pen is mightier than the sword - the red editing pen being mightiest of all...
ReplyDeleteEasy enough to rewrite my way out of this.
And I never wear camel. It is not my color.
'Stick it' to me? I'm calling for back-up (air support). Where is Jamie and his vampire friends when I need him?
ReplyDeleteAt times like these, we should come together.
ReplyDeleteIt's daylight now. They are asleep in their coffins. But Bob is right ... no need for senseless escalation of hostilities. Save that for AGFL!
ReplyDelete(Just in case, I am busy sharpening some wooden stakes.)
:-)
I am neither left wing or right wing. I am more of a middle of the bird person.
ReplyDeleteIf either the right wing or the left wing gain control of our country, it would probably fly around in circles.
To all politicos caught up in such, I upped my standards years ago. Up yours.
To the PGA, your dayz are numbered.