Breaking news from our author correspondent Robert J. Wetherall...
Al Qaeda Fatwa Declared on 'In the Hole' Idiots
by Robert J. Wetherall
In a surprise pro-Western goodwill gesture, Al Qaeda and its Taliban subsidiaries have announced plans to forge a Jihad against all those drunken goofballs who yell “In the Hole” every time a golf pro strikes a ball during tournament play.
“These besotted fools have no shame and must be dispatched to the Land of the Virgins by any means,” declared an unnamed Al-Qaeda spokesman. This announcement came after the group learned many Americans believed the “In the Hole” idiots were actually Taliban insurgents employing a new psychological terror tool.
US golf tournaments have been plagued and disrupted by slack-jawed imbeciles who have to scream “In the Hole” after every golfers’ swing. This has disrupted play on many occasions and has understandably led to rampant bloodshed in many instances.
“We will track down these misguided devils without mercy,” declared the Al-Qaeda spokesman.
American tournament officials have thus far withheld comment on the situation, except to announce that, beginning with major PGA tournaments this fall, free parking spaces will be set aside for visiting camels and their riders.
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