New Book Release - America's Galactic Foreign Legion Book 19

Prolific author Walter Knight has penned another installment of giggles and guffaws in his continuing science fiction series...

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
BOOK 19: ATM
Walter Knight
Fiction: Science Fiction, Military, Humorous

In the nineteenth installment of this super-sillious science fiction series, the CIA continues to plot and scheme, enlisting wary partner legionnaire Manny Lopez. The Arthropodan commander of planet New Colorado’s New Gobi Desert spider troops is included only by default and kept in the dark about ‘need to know’ details – but there’s bound to be some time travel involved. Their ambitious secret plan to build up troops for the coming scourge of space locusts involves a Legion recruitment ATM that achieves the ultimate in sentience and mobility in the form of an artificial human being. Luckily, Colonel Joey R. Czerinski knows nothing about any of it, or he’d surely screw up everything.

As Private Atm tries to blend in with surrounding humans, it becomes clear even to Czerinski that the private is a little ‘different.’ And that’s saying something, considering how peculiar Privates Krueger and Knight are. But Czerinski blithely assumes it can all be chalked up to good old-fashioned stupidity. However, even the spider commander realizes there’s something more to Private Atm than meets the eye, and he’s determined to find out what it is.

The naughty camel Hargundu and even the Grim Reaper make cameo appearances as the Legion continues with its old tricks under Czerinski’s bumbling command. A native spider population is culturally contaminated, and much destruction and ado takes place over a new casino with suspected uranium deposits underneath. The humans and spiders clash with their usual ‘up yours’ attitude, and the perpetual preposterousness continues!

Available in ebook at popular online retails like Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, and Amazon. Available soon in print!

New author, new book release!

Penumbra Publishing welcomes author Mark DeRobertis and his unique paranormal suspense...

THE VASE
Mark DeRobertis
Fiction: Paranormal, Suspense, Fantasy

During an unusual heat wave in Nazareth, a series of freak geomagnetic storms sets in motion a bizarre chain of events, all of which revolve around a lone ancient vase. The vase belongs to a humble Palestinian potter who depends on the largess of tourists to earn his meager living from sales of earthenware in the Old City Market. He is no stranger to violence, having lost his eldest son three years before, when Hamas terrorists convinced the boy to participate in a terrorist attack. The potter is determined to keep his remaining son safe, but he has no idea the terrorists are secretly recruiting him to follow his older brother’s footsteps in a plot to assassinate the Pope and the Israeli prime minister during an upcoming tour of the Holy Land.

After being recruited by Shin Bet, the Israel Security Agency, a Jewish art professor plots revenge for the death of his only son in the same terrorist attack three years before. Realizing the terrorists use the potter’s shop as a clandestine meeting place, the professor convinces the potter to lend him an ancient vase from his ancestral collection for art history classes at the local university. With the help of a fellow operative, the professor plants a remote-control bomb inside the vase and then returns it to the potter.

Meanwhile, the appearance of apparitions in the Old City Market – Roman soldiers, ancient Islamic warriors, and more – causes local Muslim holy men to curse a lucrative Lebanese restaurant located across the street from the potter’s shop. Desperate to rid his business of the spirits, the restaurant owner calls on the Hollywood host of a ghost hunter reality show. Despite the ghost hunter’s best efforts, things quickly get out of hand. Are the apparitions really ghosts or just Hollywood illusions? Perhaps they’re the result of a freak act of nature – or God. While the world reels from the amazing images, fear, hatred, and revenge spiral out of control, leading to secret plots, lies, and murder. Key people work together or against each other to stop the planned assassinations, but will a final apparition help turn the tide of events? 

Available now in ebook at popular online retailers like Barnes & Noble and Amazon and Smashwords. Coming soon in print.

First Contact - an alien probe, laughs included

A new visitor has landed on planet New Colorado, and is asking, "Take me to your leader." Check out Walter Knight's latest installment in the ongoing preposterous space-science-fiction series...

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
BOOK 18: FIRST CONTACT
by Walter Knight
Fiction: Science Fiction, Military/War, Humorous

A rover probe sent by a bear-like people from across the galaxy lands on New Colorado, looking for a sentient race to establish diplomatic contact. And that's where the trouble begins. After becoming involved with a petty gang and blowing up a Burger King to win favor with the perceived powerful McDonald's Corporation, the rover, mistaken as a souped-up Toyota, is entered in an all-terrain race. On the run, the rover runs smack-dab into Colonel Joey R. Czerinski, who wants its compact laser technology, and the silliness continues!

New release available now in ebook and print at popular online retailers like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, and more!

Death Spiral - the men's adventure series continues!

Author James Boedeker has penned another installment in his gritty, action-packed series about expatriates in Thailand. Check out Book 3!

DEATH SPIRAL BOOK 3: DEBT OF HONOR
by James Boedeker
Fiction: Men's Adventure, War/Military, Expatriate

Robert O’Leary is a family man now, happily living in Thailand with his two sons and wife Mina – and his extended adopted family. Fishing and teaching the boys baseball occupy most of his leisure time.

It’s been several years since he found himself in the middle of a bloodbath to avenge the mistreatment of his wife, and later to take down a psychopathic serial killer. The ghosts of his past rarely make an appearance in his dreams now, and the killing beast has not overtaken him in a long time. However, when his friend Bruce Broderic calls on him for assistance in a new mission, despite Mina’s objections, Robert feels obligated to at least hear Bruce out before he refuses his request.

Bruce’s plan to declare war on the Muslim extremists increasing their attacks in Thailand seems legitimate. However, Robert can’t help but distrust his friend, even though they fought side by side to bring down the German and Romanian presence in Bangkok to deliver justice and closure for Mina, and to take down the vicious Angel of Death. Robert knows that Bruce, a former CIA operative, keeps secrets from everyone and never tells the whole story. To get involved in another of Bruce’s schemes would mean getting in over his head and destroying the trust he has built with Mina. He’d have to let loose the beast inside him to kill again, and he knows he can’t afford to do that. It almost took him down in a death spiral last time, and he has too much to live for now. He has promised Mina the beast will never come out again.

But then Bruce gets in serious trouble when a rogue CIA agent double-crosses him and puts a death sentence on Robert and all those he cares about. Robert knows he has to come to Bruce’s aid and protect his family. No matter what his friend is mixed up in, he owes him a debt of honor that must be paid, and in the process chances losing his family. The stakes have never been higher, and failure is not an option.

Available now in ebook at popular online sites like Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords. Coming soon in print!

Vampires and Werewolves and Puberty - Oh my!

As if big sisters and school bullies aren't enough to deal with, add some feuding vampires and werewolves to the mix and see what you get. It takes a special kid to navigate this quagmire of trouble - read how he does it! A new young-adult horror-comedy from the author of BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT...

BUD THE CRUD AND THE VAMPIRE-WEREWOLF WARS
by Jamie Wasserman
Fiction: Horror, Paranormal, Humor, Teen Angst, Werewolf, Vampire

Vampires and werewolves and ... puberty? It’s all here. My name is Buddy. Yeah, that’s my real name, not a nickname. I’ll explain later.

This story is all about me and my sister. There’s vampires and werewolves and bullies and even love, if you’re into that kind of thing. Although if you want the gushy details with all the hand-holding and smooching, you’ll have to ask my sister. Quite frankly, I don’t want to hear about it. No one curses in this book – not even the werewolves.

Looking back, some of it was pretty scary, but it all ends happily. The good guys win, no one dies, and everything goes back to normal. More or less.

Available now in ebook at popular online sites like Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords. Coming soon in print!

Zombies everywhere you turn - and now another zombie apocalypse book to entertain you!

Can zombies be funny? They can if they're roasting over the open fire of a burning giant ball of twine! Can zombies be made fun of for laughs? Heck, yeah! If the world's coming to an end, the best way to go out is to die laughing.

Check out this latest entry in the zombie apocalypse fest going on now...

ZOMBIE MISSOURI
Walter Knight
Fiction: Horror, Dystopian, Humor, Undead

Teenage loser Lenny Dreckle of Johnson City, Missouri, is finally a winner – in the zombie lotto. About to be shot by robbers at the Taco Bell after hours, Lenny’s saved by a bright light that scares the robbers away. Unfortunately, the world as Lenny knows it is fast coming to an end. An unknown disaster kills ninety percent of the human population, turning them into flesh-eating zombies.

Teaming up with other survivors and armed with cans of cat food to distract the zombies, Lenny embarks on a bizarre odyssey to find the cause of the zombie apocalypse and to take back the world one town at a time, starting with Johnson City. The question is, can Lenny keep his hands off the lovely zombie Andrea and avoid being devoured or infected by her? Loser that Lenny is, his fate hangs in the balance.

Also included is the first installment of Jamie Wasserman's Vampire Guppy Hunter short story series!

Available in ebook and very soon in print at popular online retailers like Barnes & Noble and Amazon and Smashwords.

Just for laughs

'BORROWING' HUMOR

I borrow some humor for my books from old TV shows.  I just thought I'd share this from the old Hollywood Squares show:

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? 

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! 

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) 


Q. Do female frogs croak? 

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. 


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years... 

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. 


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? 

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. 


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? 

A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. 


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? 

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? 

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? 

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. 


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? 

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing-old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. 


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? 

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. 


Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? 

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. 


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? 

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. 


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? 

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? 

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. 


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? 

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. 


Q. When you pat a dog on its head, he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? 

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? 


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? 

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? 

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. 


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? 

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. 


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? 

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. 


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? 

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? 


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? 

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 

A. Charley Weaver: His feet. 


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? 

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

It's fun to work to old gags into dialogue of new books.  Being that most of these performers are dead, I figured they wouldn't mind.  Good humor can be a difficult thing, but it never dies.

Sincerely,

Walt Knight
Author of AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION series