First Contact - an alien probe, laughs included

A new visitor has landed on planet New Colorado, and is asking, "Take me to your leader." Check out Walter Knight's latest installment in the ongoing preposterous space-science-fiction series...

AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
BOOK 18: FIRST CONTACT
by Walter Knight
Fiction: Science Fiction, Military/War, Humorous

A rover probe sent by a bear-like people from across the galaxy lands on New Colorado, looking for a sentient race to establish diplomatic contact. And that's where the trouble begins. After becoming involved with a petty gang and blowing up a Burger King to win favor with the perceived powerful McDonald's Corporation, the rover, mistaken as a souped-up Toyota, is entered in an all-terrain race. On the run, the rover runs smack-dab into Colonel Joey R. Czerinski, who wants its compact laser technology, and the silliness continues!

New release available now in ebook and print at popular online retailers like Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, and more!

Death Spiral - the men's adventure series continues!

Author James Boedeker has penned another installment in his gritty, action-packed series about expatriates in Thailand. Check out Book 3!

DEATH SPIRAL BOOK 3: DEBT OF HONOR
by James Boedeker
Fiction: Men's Adventure, War/Military, Expatriate

Robert O’Leary is a family man now, happily living in Thailand with his two sons and wife Mina – and his extended adopted family. Fishing and teaching the boys baseball occupy most of his leisure time.

It’s been several years since he found himself in the middle of a bloodbath to avenge the mistreatment of his wife, and later to take down a psychopathic serial killer. The ghosts of his past rarely make an appearance in his dreams now, and the killing beast has not overtaken him in a long time. However, when his friend Bruce Broderic calls on him for assistance in a new mission, despite Mina’s objections, Robert feels obligated to at least hear Bruce out before he refuses his request.

Bruce’s plan to declare war on the Muslim extremists increasing their attacks in Thailand seems legitimate. However, Robert can’t help but distrust his friend, even though they fought side by side to bring down the German and Romanian presence in Bangkok to deliver justice and closure for Mina, and to take down the vicious Angel of Death. Robert knows that Bruce, a former CIA operative, keeps secrets from everyone and never tells the whole story. To get involved in another of Bruce’s schemes would mean getting in over his head and destroying the trust he has built with Mina. He’d have to let loose the beast inside him to kill again, and he knows he can’t afford to do that. It almost took him down in a death spiral last time, and he has too much to live for now. He has promised Mina the beast will never come out again.

But then Bruce gets in serious trouble when a rogue CIA agent double-crosses him and puts a death sentence on Robert and all those he cares about. Robert knows he has to come to Bruce’s aid and protect his family. No matter what his friend is mixed up in, he owes him a debt of honor that must be paid, and in the process chances losing his family. The stakes have never been higher, and failure is not an option.

Available now in ebook at popular online sites like Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords. Coming soon in print!

Vampires and Werewolves and Puberty - Oh my!

As if big sisters and school bullies aren't enough to deal with, add some feuding vampires and werewolves to the mix and see what you get. It takes a special kid to navigate this quagmire of trouble - read how he does it! A new young-adult horror-comedy from the author of BLOOD AND SUNLIGHT...

BUD THE CRUD AND THE VAMPIRE-WEREWOLF WARS
by Jamie Wasserman
Fiction: Horror, Paranormal, Humor, Teen Angst, Werewolf, Vampire

Vampires and werewolves and ... puberty? It’s all here. My name is Buddy. Yeah, that’s my real name, not a nickname. I’ll explain later.

This story is all about me and my sister. There’s vampires and werewolves and bullies and even love, if you’re into that kind of thing. Although if you want the gushy details with all the hand-holding and smooching, you’ll have to ask my sister. Quite frankly, I don’t want to hear about it. No one curses in this book – not even the werewolves.

Looking back, some of it was pretty scary, but it all ends happily. The good guys win, no one dies, and everything goes back to normal. More or less.

Available now in ebook at popular online sites like Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords. Coming soon in print!

Zombies everywhere you turn - and now another zombie apocalypse book to entertain you!

Can zombies be funny? They can if they're roasting over the open fire of a burning giant ball of twine! Can zombies be made fun of for laughs? Heck, yeah! If the world's coming to an end, the best way to go out is to die laughing.

Check out this latest entry in the zombie apocalypse fest going on now...

ZOMBIE MISSOURI
Walter Knight
Fiction: Horror, Dystopian, Humor, Undead

Teenage loser Lenny Dreckle of Johnson City, Missouri, is finally a winner – in the zombie lotto. About to be shot by robbers at the Taco Bell after hours, Lenny’s saved by a bright light that scares the robbers away. Unfortunately, the world as Lenny knows it is fast coming to an end. An unknown disaster kills ninety percent of the human population, turning them into flesh-eating zombies.

Teaming up with other survivors and armed with cans of cat food to distract the zombies, Lenny embarks on a bizarre odyssey to find the cause of the zombie apocalypse and to take back the world one town at a time, starting with Johnson City. The question is, can Lenny keep his hands off the lovely zombie Andrea and avoid being devoured or infected by her? Loser that Lenny is, his fate hangs in the balance.

Also included is the first installment of Jamie Wasserman's Vampire Guppy Hunter short story series!

Available in ebook and very soon in print at popular online retailers like Barnes & Noble and Amazon and Smashwords.

Just for laughs

'BORROWING' HUMOR

I borrow some humor for my books from old TV shows.  I just thought I'd share this from the old Hollywood Squares show:

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? 

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! 

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) 


Q. Do female frogs croak? 

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. 


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years... 

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. 


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? 

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. 


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? 

A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. 


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? 

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'? 

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? 

A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. 


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? 

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing-old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. 


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? 

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. 


Q.. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? 

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. 


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? 

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. 


Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? 

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? 

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. 


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? 

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. 


Q. When you pat a dog on its head, he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? 

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? 


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? 

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? 

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. 


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? 

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. 


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? 

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. 


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? 

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? 


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? 

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 

A. Charley Weaver: His feet. 


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? 

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

It's fun to work to old gags into dialogue of new books.  Being that most of these performers are dead, I figured they wouldn't mind.  Good humor can be a difficult thing, but it never dies.

Sincerely,

Walt Knight
Author of AMERICA'S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION series

New Book Release - ALTERATIONS by Rita Plush

ALTERATIONS
Rita Plush
Fiction / short stories / urban family life / historical
 
ALTERATIONS is a short story collection featuring stories of love and grief and family life. This a gem of beautiful writing and tells of emotionally touching characters, as evidenced by the comments from advance readers...

~PRAISE FOR ALTERATIONS~

Among all the touching insights into a past that seems to haunt these stories by Rita Plush, I hear a character say, “Tell me you understand.” Anxieties of not knowing or of not knowing how to make the other person understand tell the upsetting truths of these vivid fictions and create their curious momentum.

–Joseph McElroy, author of Night Soul and Other Stories and the forthcoming Cannonball

Rita Plush’s short stories hold you on the edge of heartbreak. She writes eloquently of plucky children who have not been able to experience enough of childhood, but who weave tenderness out of whatever emotional threads they can string together.

–Maureen Brady, author of Folly and Ginger’s Fire

Rita Plush has written stories which deal with the evolution of one man. Outwardly, he deals with problems in teaching teenage boys and inwardly, with himself and his failures. Her stories are well written and draw in the reader; we will certainly be open to publishing her stories in the future.

–Elizabeth Kircos, Fiction/Non-Fiction Editor, The MacGuffin

All these pieces feel so immediate and alive – the voices, every detail – like memoir. They’re intimate, and funny, and full of surprises. They’re big – about The Big Subjects, love, death, sex, loss, longing. A number of these stories are told from the point of view of a young child, sharp-eyed, all senses on high alert. I especially enjoyed “Love, Mona.” The intimate, beautiful portrayal of grief and hope ends with a wordless gesture so tender and expressive, I will never forget it.

–Mary Azrael, Editor, Passager

Good and thoughtful stories that win the reader over. More truth than a reality show, and more vivid than most fiction. The wants, needs, satisfactions – and, yes, disappointments – of the characters are recognizable from our own stories.

–Phil Wagner, Editor/Publisher, Iconoclast

ALTERATIONS is available now in ebook and print at Amazon, and ebook at Smashwords and Barnes & Noble online!

NEW BOOK RELEASE - Battle for Blood

Zombie pirates, vampire space raiders, robots and mermaids and more! It's all here in one book! Well not exactly, but close. Penumbra Publishing brings you a new space adventure by the outrageous author team of Pedro Cerda and Daniel Stiles. And, yes, it's about zombie pirates and vampire raiders and a peaceful planet of purple people...

BATTLE FOR BLOOD - THE BLOOD FEUD
by Pedro Cerda and Daniel Stiles
Fiction / Science Fiction / Humor

In a future far, far ... in the future ... zombie pirates and vampire raiders, ancient enemies banished from Earth and forced to live on Venus and Mars respectively, terrorize space-faring travelers. Cruise ships, freighters, and more are targeted. The vampires want blood. The zombies just want hair shaved from their victims to smoke and get high. But either way, many people die.

In the course of an ill-fated raid, misinformation from a human captive attempting to save his own life leads a group of zombie pirates and vampire raiders to a small peaceful planet known as Athenein. They have been informed the blood of the Athenein people can be utilized to provide superpowers when brought to their home solar system, and each race is eager for the advantage.

Will the Athenein world fall victim to these invaders, or will its plucky people somehow manage to fend them off and protect their peaceful way of life? Guess you’ll just have to read the book to find out...

Available now in ebook and soon in print at popular online retailers like Amazon, Smashwords, and Barnes & Noble!